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Follow us on Instagram @imnotokkpodcast
Email us at notokkpodcast@gmail.com
We appreciate you!
Hi, I'm Kimberly and this is Kelly. Ayo, Welcome to. I'm Not Okay, Kay, so Kelly question that is you. Mm-hmm, Do you think you would be as much fun to be around if you didn't have mental health issues? Oh, gosh yeah, because like comedians say like trauma is where they get a lot of their comedy.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think I'd be as much fun to hang out with if I didn't.
Speaker 1:So you'd have to make up for it in other personality traits.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I don't know which ones would weaken out if they weren't here. But yeah, no, I'm way too over the top and everybody loves that.
Speaker 1:So that's, everybody loves, it.
Speaker 2:Everybody so many people in my life, trust me.
Speaker 1:That's why you're so popular with everybody.
Speaker 2:Always, always, most popularity. Yeah, whoa whoa. So I don't know, was that what you expected me to say? Of course, you expected me to say that.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely, that's what I expected.
Speaker 2:But then you're saying your over the top-ness is part of your mental illness. Well, yeah, because I can go from being completely positive outgoing and then that's what it is. That's the outer version that people see. So they're just like oh yeah, look at that, woo fun party, yay, but that's not really is like that's the outer version that people see. So they're just like oh yeah, look at that, woo fun party, yay, but that's not really what's going on because then I crash and then that person doesn't exist anymore but doesn't everybody have a public facing face?
Speaker 2:yeah, like that. Yeah, some people just don't get so damn addictive personality-wise with it like I do.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, well, I'm just saying that maybe it's not a mental illness. This question was about me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was specifically targeted for you. It was me, okay. Yes, other people put up masks to go outside. We all do it. None of us want to fucking leave the house. You're crazy if you want to leave the house.
Speaker 1:Well, I literally left the house today because I just needed to leave my house. Sometimes it's like I got to get out of here. I'm stuck in the same place. No, thank you. No, thank you. I mean, yeah, I do have to put on a face if I go to Starbucks because I'm so nice. Have you ever had that like where you have a phone voice?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you don't even know what's yeah, and I don't even know what's coming out of me. I'm like who is this person? Why am I doing this and like have a blessed day? I'm like who the fuck am I blessing?
Speaker 2:I've never said that, I've never said said that I know I legit told someone at starbucks once to have a blessed day because she she complimented me and and I was just, and I just, like you know, I thought she'd really appreciate it and you know she did. She hit me with the honey and the sweetie and all sorts of shit so you turned into a southern belle.
Speaker 1:you're just like have a blessed day Meanwhile.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I fucking just turned it on. I turned on that Southern shit and did it, you're not even from the. South, I know, but I've been down here for like 12 years now. So like now I feel like I get the rights to use it, like I can say y'all, and I could say you guys.
Speaker 1:I could do both. Okay, that's a weird face to put out for other people. I just meant like you pick up the phone and your voice goes up an octave. You're like hi, like that. I didn't mean you switch like dialects.
Speaker 2:Like what the heck I mean? Yeah, again, specific to me, very specific to me.
Speaker 1:Actually, as I was researching the story today, I was looking at this. Oh gosh, what's it called? It's called like not international, but like basically foreign, like accent syndrome. Like people get head trauma and then they wake up with sometimes knowing a completely different language and then they wake up with sometimes knowing a completely different language, but sometimes it's just they have an accent that they didn't have before. Like this guy from the US woke up with like a Swedish accent and they like because like part of his brain was traumatized and whatever happened. There's like studies on this. I was like I thought this was a joke. There's like studies on this. I was like I thought this was a joke, like I thought this was an April Fool's thing that like somebody perpetuated. But apparently it's a thing. It's crazy.
Speaker 2:I don't understand how that happens. How can you activate another dialect in a fucking area of your head? I don't get that. That's wild. Like yeah, that's some matrix stuff, that's some matrix stuff, but you said there's studies on it and doctors and stuff. That's just, that's some. I don't know.
Speaker 1:there's something there, in all fairness this was a google search and I didn't really look at the sources super close, so correct me if I'm wrong out there, but I just saw it and I was like this is pretty fascinating.
Speaker 2:It's pretty fascinating. I'm not going to dig in anymore, though. This is where my fascination stops. It's where it starts and stops right there, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, really, I'll just be ignorant about it for like the rest of my life, Just perpetuating this story.
Speaker 2:That's okay, that's fine.
Speaker 1:Okay, good.
Speaker 2:This is why we're here. This is why we're here.
Speaker 1:To perpetuate untrue stories. That's great, okay, well, let's jump into my story, since I was talking about researching my story. Are you ready to hear one of the best stories of your life?
Speaker 2:Is it going to be one of the best stories of my life?
Speaker 1:Oh not at all.
Speaker 2:No, to be one of the best stories of my life? Oh, not at all.
Speaker 1:No, no, not at all, of course it's going to be. It's going to be great. As I texted you yesterday, I had difficulty vibing with a certain story or a certain person and then, as I was falling asleep on my phone, I was like genius, social media, that's what I'm doing Social media. Yes, and mental health, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Because there's so much out there, one single Google search first page, so many posts and studies and reputable places I was like, okay, this is a lot, so I'm probably just scratching the surface here. Mm-hmm, so I'm probably just scratching the surface here, but we can roll with it. We can roll with it. So, sources helpguideorg, mcleanhospitalorg and hhsgov they had a nice PDF guide thing. Love it, okay. So social media what is social media, kelly? Can you tell me Toxic? Okay. So social media what is social media, kelly? Can you tell me Toxic? Okay, not what I meant.
Speaker 2:Let's play this game. Let's play it, come on. What is social media?
Speaker 1:No, this is supposed to be a simple definition, not a word. Association.
Speaker 2:It's a simple definition.
Speaker 1:It's toxic, toxic is fun Okay.
Speaker 2:Actually, it's a simple definition it's toxic.
Speaker 1:Toxic is fun. Okay, actually it's not completely toxic, but anyway, the answer I was looking for is Facebook, instagram, twitter, linkedin, I guess, youtube, social media, any place you can really interact with other people over the web. Tiktok oh yeah, tiktok I'm not active on that, I don-a-tock. Oh yeah, tick-tock. I'm not active on that, I don't even have a tick-tock. I'm old Well.
Speaker 2:I get banned in this country.
Speaker 1:So who knows? But anyway. So that's what social media is just interacting, just in case anybody didn't know, which, if you didn't know and you're listening to this podcast, god bless, I want to live your life because I don't know how you can do that Anyway. So, according to the Pew Research Center, 69% of adults and 81% of teens in the US use social media. So I'm surprised more teens. I thought it'd be like in the 90s, but then, when they kind of like, scrunch it down even more, it is in the 90s. Up to 95% of youth ages 13 to 17. So, like your brain is developing time. 95 up to 95% of youth use a social media platform, with more than a third of those saying that they use social media almost constantly, which is terrifying. Imagine always being on social media, like always, like that is your community, like there is no like. How can you ever look at other people or interact if you're always, like constantly, on social media? Crazy to me.
Speaker 2:I could see it, though. It's so addicting. The algorithm for everything is so addicting. I mean, how many times do you sit there and just scroll and scroll and scroll, like I do it on Instagram, and now I like put a limit on it and I'm just like completely like, okay, I scroll too much, and then, like all of a sudden, like an hour will go by and I'm like I don't even know what I was doing or what I was scrolling for or any of that nonsense, which is a big reason why TikTok isn't on my phone. I could see a lot of people can get caught up in that in different communities and online. Like it goes even into the gaming world. It goes all over the place. So I've met a lot of gamers that their only social lives have to do with social media and Twitch and gaming things that way, and it's interesting.
Speaker 2:It's true, though, people live that way. They really do. They absolutely live that way.
Speaker 1:And I think some people who manage it appropriately, that's like great. They have their communities or their jobs or whatever on social media. But when I was thinking about this, my biggest thing is we didn't grow up with social media, at least for me. I think I started having it in high school. So, yeah, my brain's still developing, but, okay, i's like I'm not a child, I'm a teen. It wasn't what it is now. It's like oh, facebook, like somebody updated their relationship status. It wasn't like oh, let me check Facebook, instagram, yeah, tiktok for two hours before I go to bed. It wasn't that.
Speaker 1:In all of these articles it's all comparing it to gambling. So it says when the outcome is unpredictable, the behavior is more likely to repeat. Think of a slot machine. If game players knew they never were going to get money by playing the game, they never would play. So it's like there is like you get that chemical fix of being like okay, I'm going to keep swiping because they might find a video I like or there might be something funny or I might see what my friend is doing and otherwise I wouldn't. So it's this like constant, of just like that gambling, of short attention spans, get them fast, that kind of thing. So it's interesting that they equate the social media to gambling, when gambling has never really been a great thing to begin with, and the fact that it's being compared. It's like ugh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can see it, though. It's a good comparison. I can see a lot of parallels between it. Yeah, just that addiction, that addiction.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, when you sing it it makes it sound a little better.
Speaker 2:But yes, yeah, beautiful voice.
Speaker 1:You're welcome. Okay, not beautiful voice Proud of me, but one thing that I noted because this was interesting. So in-person contact triggers hormones that alleviate stress, to make you feel better, happier, healthier, that kind of thing. So you need to be in person for certain chemicals things to kick off, I think, because it's not live. It's online, so you're just seeing pictures. There's no interaction there. You might feel like you're being social, but you're not getting the full effect of being social. It's so true because it's like texting. I haven't talked to some of my friends in months and months, but I text them like every other week.
Speaker 2:I haven't talked to them in months and months and I text them every other month. Well, there's a problem.
Speaker 1:I'm just a crap friend. That's where this is coming in. No, but, like you know, I'll sporadically text them. And that's where this is coming in. No, but, like you know, I'll sporadically text them. But if I actually think about it, I haven't talked to them in months Voice to voice or face to face Like I, which is crazy Because it's like but I know what they're doing, but I think I know what they're doing when in actuality it's like I don't know. It's a weird dichotomy. Anyway, let's get off of me being a crap friend.
Speaker 1:I don't want that I don't want that in perpetuity in this recording?
Speaker 2:No, all you do is text. That's what you're supposed to do. I text my friends Like my friend texts me, like the gender of her baby.
Speaker 1:That's some serious shit.
Speaker 2:Text messages that's. My friend texts me like the gender of her baby. That's some serious shit. Text messages that's the way.
Speaker 1:That's. That's how we do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but sometimes you need a call you know, oh yeah, there's always the time for the call and that's usually when shit hits the fan.
Speaker 1:That's when you pick up and have a call I've got texts when shit hits the fan and I've also texted when shit hits the fan.
Speaker 2:So yeah, that's when I get the phone call, that's's when I know like, if a friend's calling, I'm like I have to answer. This is it? This is something, something's going to be bad. It's never good. It's never like oh my God, guess what? Like I got a promotion. It's always like can you believe? Fucking so-and, let's go, let's go, let's spill that tea.
Speaker 1:Yup, yup, yup.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, yes, yes, you're not wrong, so you're not a bad friend.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank you for making me feel better, but let's talk about the benefits of social media before we go into the negatives, because there are quite a few negatives, but I want to acknowledge there are still positives. Like you mentioned, people who game or people who need to find a community maybe they're very isolated, either of their own doing because they just depression is real, or maybe physically isolated in a remote area they can find new friends or communities and find those groups of people that share similar interests or understand what they're going through, or support systems or things like that, so you can find those people that help you live a fuller life and give you that support. You can also raise awareness or like join causes. I see that a lot on Facebook or, I guess, linkedin lately, where, like people will talk about the charity that they volunteer for or they're running a race for whatever. It's a great way to get causes out. The ice bucket challenge I mean that's spread like wildfire.
Speaker 2:Did you do it?
Speaker 1:No, I did not.
Speaker 2:Did you? No, I had no desire to do it.
Speaker 1:No. And also I was like is everybody actually donating or are they just doing the ice bucket challenge?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Just like forget what it actually is Like. It's to raise awareness and donate, and then it just, it just became like a social media trend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like people wanted to be included. So they're like, yeah, I'm doing the ice bucket challenge. It's like, okay, but still a lot of people did it. So even if a quarter of those people donated, that's still fantastic, because without social media, that probably wouldn't have happened.
Speaker 2:No no.
Speaker 1:So like that's great, these causes, these, you know, or even I think police, facebook places do this where they like post a photo of somebody, like help us identify this person, you know, like just getting the community to help figure some of these things out, or even like neighborhood groups, neighborhood watches finding dogs and cats, that's so true, my neighborhood A lot of benefit.
Speaker 2:We have a group. And then I go and I save the cats and then Larry's like why is there a cat in the garage? I'm just like because we have to save the cat. So yes, I was trying to make myself known as the cat lady on this block.
Speaker 1:In addition, you can also find like emotional support. I know they have. I mean, this isn't social media per se, but where you can like text or message with a therapist or like the crisis hotline. I mean, once again, that's not social media, but it still is kind of that digital connection.
Speaker 2:And you can find a lot of that on Reddit. Reddit's a good place to go for emotional support and they have a ton of that on Reddit.
Speaker 1:Reddit's a good place to go for emotional support and have a ton of emotional support groups.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it depends on what you join. Reddit's scary, reddit's scary, I like it. I like the community. Well, you join communities. So like, if you join, like you know a lost community, like say, you experienced a loss, like people will be telling their stories and some people find that comforting when they're going through the same thing.
Speaker 1:That's true, except when you said lost, I was like, oh the show. Could you imagine going in there and being like what did everybody think of episode 10? People are like I lost my grandma.
Speaker 2:I've never seen Lost. Have you seen Lost?
Speaker 1:No, but my mom loved it.
Speaker 2:Everybody loved it. Everybody loved it. And I was like, oh, I'll watch it later in life. And now it's later in life, like years, years later in life, and yeah, I still haven't watched it and I probably never will.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, live your life. There's new shows to watch, anyway. So, once again, social media can also be a great connection if you live remotely. So if you have like social anxiety and it's scary to go out, you can start interacting with people on social media and forming friendships and forming that without potentially the same anxiety of going out. You can also use it as an outlet for creativity if you run a little shop or you run a podcast.
Speaker 1:Maybe you create memes that make me laugh and I double tap oh my gosh, okay, yeah, I mean that's true, though it's like some people are excellent at that or comedy, maybe people really just want to be like funny in a tweet. I follow a lot of people who it's just like their tweets crack me up, so I'm like, okay, I'm following you to just let that out. And then also, social media can allow you access to resources, like I said, like crisis hotlines, you know, I know there's accounts out there for like mental health, or I have a lot that are body positivity. Just interact with these. More educational resources is great to kind of broaden your scope of mind, just educate yourself, that kind of thing. Did I miss any benefits, kelly? Because that's my main list of benefits for social media.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think so. I mean the main thing there is like finding your community, finding your tribe. I've experienced that with social media before. So it is good things, it does, good good things. Now tell us about the bad, bad things it does.
Speaker 1:Let's dive deep into these negatives, because they're pretty negative. Okay, so I'm going to say these in no particular order. I didn't see one happening more than the other per se, and some of these are like overlap, so, but these are the categories I noticed the most. So inadequacy about your life or appearance. If you're posting about your vacation or your engagement, or like your new boyfriend, people see that and you're like oh man, why isn't my boyfriend that great? Why isn't my vacation that great? Why don't I look that great in that bikini?
Speaker 1:And that can do so much damage to your psyche, to your self-confidence, because people don't share their low points and, yes, some do, but still, even their quote, unquote low points can be edited, can be filtered. Some people set up to like look like they live in a messy apartment and it's like but you don't like, nobody lives in this world. Yeah, so you can't compare yourself, even though all of us absolutely do. And also, I mean I compare myself. I follow body positivity accounts because I'm trying to like oh, every shape is beautiful, blah, blah, blah. And I'm still looking at these people who are like oh, today was a rough day, you know, whatever, whatever, I'm like, you're freaking gorgeous. I'm like what the heck. What is this body? Positivity Like this is supposed to be your bad day. What the heck.
Speaker 2:I like the body positivity accounts where they'll post the basic Instagram thought picture and then they'll show you what it looks like edited or the edited version of themselves in, say, the leggings and the top and everything, and then they'll post what it really really is and they won't like, won't have anything sucked in. Sometimes they'll roll down like the leggings, so you could see like, yeah, look, I basically got the gut the size of a baby in here and I and I love it, cause I'm like, oh, my, yes, please, because that is exactly what it's like for me and, yeah, it's so, I, I follow those sometimes, I enjoy them. Yeah, there's so I follow those sometimes, I enjoy them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's one account I cannot think of her name, but she is like fantastic, because she actually shows how to make the picture so like it looks, you know, perfect, or like the influencers, and then she'll take another picture, yeah, where it's just like her sitting regularly and it's like the same person two seconds apart, but it's so different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah.
Speaker 1:So, when asked about the impact of social media on their body image, nearly half 46% of adolescents in that 13 to 17 age group said social media makes them feel worse, 40% said it makes them feel neither better nor worse and only 14% said it makes them feel better. Quite honestly, I wonder if the people who say like the 40% who said it doesn't really make them feel anything, if they're like just saying that, that like I would love to see what this study, how this study was done, to see if it's like okay, was it just like a check mark or what are your feelings before and after looking at social media? That just fascinates me, especially with younger kids where you're figuring out your self-image. I can't even imagine.
Speaker 2:I don't want to imagine, I just want to just remind myself that I'm fucking lucky.
Speaker 1:When I grew up.
Speaker 2:I didn't have anything like that. My first interaction with social media, if you want to call it social media, was AOL chat rooms, honey. But other than that, I created a Facebook because I was going to college and that's what I thought Facebooks were for. So that's what I thought Facebooks were for. So that's what I did. That was the first time I actually signed up for something. No, it's not. I did MySpace. How could I forget MySpace?
Speaker 2:MySpace was amazing, the MySpace top eight. Ooh, you pissed me off Out of the top eight. Anyway, sorry, I'm doing too much, okay.
Speaker 1:No, this is real life experience. I didn't have a MySpace. I was too young. I was just a little baby. You're so much older than me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true. Myspace was quick, so I had just quick access to it and it was basically dead by the time Facebook came around. So, yeah, you missed it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm lucky, I'll take the win. Moving into another negative that's very similar, is FOMO, fear of missing out, and then also the social media addiction. Fomo is you see somebody doing something like going on a vacation and you're like, oh man, I'm missing out on that vacation. Or you see your friends hanging out at the mall and they post a picture and you're like, why wasn't I invited? You worry that you're missing out on activities or opportunities that you could have had.
Speaker 1:So once again, it's kind of that comparison game, especially like Instagram, where it's all picture-based. You can't just say, hey, I'm having a day. It just. It makes it that much more difficult Not compare yourself Like. I even do it with my sisters. I know what they're up to, I know their lives. But I'm looking at their lives and I'm like, well, that's cool, I want to be doing that, even though I know. And sometimes I'll look back at my photos and I'm like, wow, that's really cool that I did that. Meanwhile I know in my head that I'm like, oh, I was insanely depressed during that time, just crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, same here, same here. I look at my photos and I'm just like that's not impressive, that's nothing. And then when I look back on it and I'm just like I guess that looks cool, but that's still not the image of what it really is. So I'm doing the same thing everybody else does on social media. I mean, like you said, who's posting their worst? Nobody does. Nobody posts their worst yeah, which is unfortunate.
Speaker 1:But also it's like, would we follow people if all they're posting is like a picture of darkness and they're like sleeping in again because I'm depressed? It'd be okay. I don't want this depression on me, but no no, I would not want to watch that whatsoever.
Speaker 2:It's a balance.
Speaker 1:It's a balance, it's a give and take, yeah, but we're not taking in any of that. We're not taking in any of the realness, it's all just obviously a filter. And, going along with FOMO, you also want to keep up to date on everything, so like finding out if somebody is in a relationship, or somebody got engaged or this person's, you know, just broke up or got a promotion. Like you want to keep up because you'd hate to be caught like in a situation where you're like, oh, how's your girlfriend doing? And they're like, oh, we broke up, you know. It's like, oh, I should have known. And so people are constantly checking social media, making sure they're not missing anything. And that's where the addiction comes in.
Speaker 2:That whole stalker aspect too, where you're going to see like, oh, they broke up. Okay, then let me go to her page and see who she's dating, and let me go to his page and see who he's dating, and then you follow down Okay, so now she's dating this person. I'm going to go look at that person who oh who they were dating before they just got out of divorce too, and then, like you're just like connecting the dots on people that you're never going to see in person, that you haven't seen for like 10 years, and like, and yeah, that's happened to everybody, that you cannot deny, that it's happened to all of us like yeah, yeah, sometimes I wonder I'm like, is anybody looking me up?
Speaker 1:like sometimes it'd be interesting to like see on facebook like who's who's going to your profile, because it would probably be a bunch of randos. Like as an adult, it's not like you with all these randos.
Speaker 2:What are you doing? What am I doing? What are you doing out here, a bunch of randos stalking my Facebook.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know. Stop being so obsessed with me Get off my. Facebook. No, but it's like, you know, it's kind of interesting. The people that I've like, yeah, the rabbit hole at like midnight and you're just like, oh, the rabbit hole at like midnight and you're just like oh, how are they doing from eight years ago at my old job?
Speaker 2:And then you take a screenshot and send it to a friend You're like look, look at this person Like they're still doing the same shit.
Speaker 1:The most validating thing that I think I've ever done on a Facebook dive is there was this guy I used to work with and I was like all his pictures usually have him and his wife in it. Yeah, and it didn't. And I was like what's happening? And I like checked back every few months and then I found out they were getting a divorce because, like then he started dating somebody else and I was like, oh, I saw this, I saw this before you posted it and I'm like I need to get a life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like I don't even talk to them, but totally not your business, but you won.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you won the game, the game of social media, or did I lose?
Speaker 2:I feel like I lost social media or did I lose? I feel like I lost, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a double-edged sword yeah, but anyway. So, with this fear of missing out, this social addiction, it's like, okay, people are on social media while driving, especially like teenagers, young adults who are obsessed with it but also want to drive and think they can do both. Yeah, where it's like okay, and then they get in a car accident and it's like this is actually affecting people's physical well-being.
Speaker 2:This isn't good, but I needed to know if Jimmy liked my post.
Speaker 1:I mean, could you imagine, being a teen?
Speaker 2:It's life or death. If Jimmy doesn't like it, it's life or death.
Speaker 1:It feels that way, don't you remember that, where you're like, oh my gosh, does he like me? And now it's like there's like four platforms for you to overthink on. There's more than four, but it's just like oh my gosh, he liked it but didn't comment. Why didn't?
Speaker 2:he comment why didn't he like the one that was on TikTok? The one on TikTok was like me dancing in the outfit, and this one's just the outfit. I don't get it. Jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. So that's why they get into car accidents, because, fucking Jimmy.
Speaker 1:It's life or death because of Jimmy. Yeah, meanwhile, jimmy didn't like it because his mom took his phone away because he didn't do his chores. He's a goddamn child. He's a goddamn children. Yeah, exactly, it's crazy, it's absolutely crazy, but I totally get it because I remember being there where everything just felt like life or death or like this is going to make my life better, or that kind of thing. So, anyway, there's this addiction.
Speaker 1:A 2018 British study tied social media use to decrease disrupted and delayed sleep, which is associated with depression, memory loss, poor academic performance. It can also affect users' physical health even more directly. So they've been doing studies on this and there are a lot of adverse effects to using social media. So much let's go to this next one isolation, and I'm going to combine it with so it's isolation and there's also depression and anxiety, but I feel like that kind of all kind of swirls into one With isolation. A study at the University of Pennsylvania found that high usage of Facebook, snapchat and Instagram increases, rather than decreases feelings of loneliness. You are looking at these pictures. You might be engaging with people, especially on Snapchat, like normally. You're chatting with people. You're sending pictures of your face.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sorry. Did you say you're sending pictures of your face on Snapchat?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what are you sending pictures of? That's not what Snapchat's used for. Are you talking about more risque activities?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, people are sending each other nudes over Snapchat. That's what Snapchat's for, or it's for people in their 30s like me to watch their friends move out of their apartment Okay, I was going to say.
Speaker 1:Meanwhile, I'm making a dog puppy face with my Snapchat yeah, but no face.
Speaker 2:No case, you don't put your face in your Snapchat photos.
Speaker 1:Jesus, mary and Joseph, just letting you know.
Speaker 2:You said, you're putting your face in Snapchat and I'm telling you it's the wrong way, just my face. Yeah, yeah, that's wrong, that's Instagram.
Speaker 1:Okay, I guess I trust my friends too much. Anyway, in these platforms you're still talking, so you'd think I'm not isolated. I have all these people with me. I'm talking to these people, I'm communicating, I'm learning about their lives, I'm seeing what they're doing. I'm talking to these people. I to be able to read verbal cues or understand how to end a conversation and not be awkward about it, or just be a human and interact with other humans At the base level. That's what you need. Also, learning to make eye contact or have a power pose or, you know, just like body language, learning how to present yourself, are all important things you have to learn and you do that by interacting in society. So if you're only looking at social media or, you know, not interacting with people because you think you're interacting with social media, you lose this. There was a study of US adolescents between 12 and 15. I think a lot of these studies are on adolescents, because they're going to be affected the greatest because, of their brain development at that stage is so important and forming those connections.
Speaker 1:This study found that adolescents who spent more than three hours per day on social media faced double the risk of experiencing poor mental health outcomes, including symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Speaker 2:What was that? Three hours or more, three hours per day, more Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, more than three hours per day.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And this is on the adolescence. So my thing is, I keep track of how much I'm on apps, like my phone keeps track for me, just so. I am aware and it's very upsetting, but I think about my intake and I'm like I'm on my phone a lot. Granted, it's not social media, it's probably like my email Slack, you know, like more professional aspects, but still not great because it's still time on my phone. But I just think about, okay, yeah, these students, okay, spend time in class, spend time after school, spend time before bed, spend time while watching TV. I mean, it's so easy to just pop on your phone and look yeah, I don't see how most adolescents aren't spending more than three hours per day. You get caught on a scroll and you're on there for 45 minutes, easy.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And then little kids. Well, they're not little kids, they're adolescents, as you said. The adolescents, they like to play the games. The youngins, yeah, the games on the phones.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not sure if that counts as social media, but that's still kind of social ish aspect so the fact that it doubles the risk of experiencing depression, anxiety. It's like that's insane. If there was anything else that would double the risk of something, it's like, yeah, maybe you shouldn't do it, shouldn't do it, but it's just yeah.
Speaker 2:It's so intangible that it's yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's hard to probably not do it. It's hard to probably not do it, not scroll for three hours.
Speaker 1:I don't. I mean, I do it and I've tried not to do it and it's like okay, well, it's being done, like it's happening now.
Speaker 2:Some days I'm just like, yes, I set limits on Instagram and Facebook Messenger specifically, and then, every now and then, it'll be like you've reached your limit for the day. Did you want to extend it? I'm like, yes, yes, I need to extend this. We are scrolling today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's terrible, because I did the same thing where it's like you had to put in a password in order to get more time, and I'm like, well, okay, I had a friend who did it and her sister made the password and wouldn't tell her, so she couldn't extend it, and I'm like that's smart.
Speaker 2:That's terrible.
Speaker 1:Then it's so real, yeah. But then you can't do it Like you need something to stop you, yeah. Otherwise it just keeps happening because it's an addiction. But the next negative is cyberbullying. So about 10% of teens report being bullied on social media. Many others, this is saying, are subject to offensive comments. I think everybody is subject to offensive comments because you're faceless on social media. In the comments section.
Speaker 2:That's a toxic side.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it can spread like rumors, lies. It can leave lasting emotional scars and one thing that I read was you can't get away from it when with us. It's like okay, if you're bullied at school, you can go home at the end of the day and that's kind of your safe space, You're with your family, whatever. Not that bullying is ever right, but it does happen when this cyberbullying never goes away. If you have your phone, you can be cyberbullied. You can be texted and then like Instagrammed. All your friends block you or maybe they're posting things about you that are lies and how can you control that? You can't. You can report the post, but there's no guarantee in that. So it's kind of like this bullying never leaves you.
Speaker 2:That's petrifying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I was watching a murder documentary or I don't know something. And teens under 18, when they send nudes to each other, that's considered child pornography.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:If people spread that, then they become like that becomes a federal crime. So you break up with your girlfriend and you have her nudes on your phone and you send them to your friends Okay, well, that's cyber bullying and you can't get those photos back. And now this guy might have like a criminal offense against him because he didn't realize what he was doing. I mean, he realized kind of what he was doing, but not the greater picture. It's just like this can destroy people's lives when they don't understand it. And as a kid, you're like you don't think like that. Yeah, like I can do anything, I'm cool, yeah, you don't think.
Speaker 2:You don't think much beyond yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, which is a great segue into self-absorption. Well, second to last. So people in the social media generation are quite obsessed with themselves because they almost have to be, from creating posts of selfies or sending pictures of themselves, like I said, to just the unhealthy self-centeredness of all these pictures and of all these posts. It makes you think that you're a star. When you publish, know, you get 500 likes or whatever it's like. Wow, 500 people like me. I am great, I deserve everything. I am talented.
Speaker 2:I mean I kind of do it Dopamine serotonin.
Speaker 1:But it's true, it's just like you think about yourself because you're like what am I going to post next? What am I going to say, rather than okay, how am I going to interact with these people? Last one I'll cover is the dangerous activities. There is a lot of hate online. Along with that, cyberbullying People.
Speaker 1:I've heard a lot of like and granted, these are adults getting these comments, but where they say like kill yourself or something like that, that can be triggering for people. If they see it a lot or hear it a lot, that can cause them to believe it. Lot that can cause them to believe it. And there are cases where there have been deaths linked to suicide, self-harm from social media or even risk-taking challenges, where I know there was that cinnamon challenge where you should eat cinnamon or whatever, and that's actually terrible because you can't swallow and you can choke and I mean you think it's a fun thing. You're invincible, you're not and you could get hurt. Seeing all of this behavior can also normalize the behaviors. So if they see a lot of people jumping off a house into a pool, I don't know, I don't know what the teens do, I'm not that young. You could see it and be like that's normal, that's cool. People are fine doing it, it's like every house party movie ever made.
Speaker 1:I know Literally that's why I said it.
Speaker 2:That's where you got that reference from.
Speaker 1:I mean, but it's true, I see it all the time. So it can normalize that and make that horrible. So people might do it and anyway lead to bad things Real quick. Why we like social media. Like I said, gambling compulsion, that addiction, especially that release of dopamine in the brain. That's like that reward chemical. So it's the same as winning on a slot machine, eating chocolate, lighting up a cigarette this article had for examples. So the more time you get those rewards, the more you want to do. It Signs you need to get off of social media.
Speaker 1:If you're spending more time online than with real friends. If you're comparing yourself to others on social media, experiencing cyberbullying, being distracted at school or work, engaging in risky behaviors Risky, risky, risky Okay, sure, risqué or risky just to gain the likes and the shares. Or if you're suffering from sleep problems that was a huge one where it's like this can affect your sleep, or we're seeing symptoms of anxiety and depression. So basically, yes, I should get off of social media. We both should. We should just I don't do it that bad. I really actually don't.
Speaker 2:I haven't in a while. Now I just know it's just for the podcast. I don't do it that bad. I just I really actually don't.
Speaker 1:I haven't in a while Like now, I just now it's just for the podcast it's like I don't know, I don't talk to you On Instagram it's been a minute, oh, so snap.
Speaker 1:But okay, I'm going to end this with ways to get better about social media. So what can we do? Like I said, use an app to track your time and then cut you off. So at least, even if you don't get cut off, maybe you'll at least realize oh hey, an hour passed and I didn't even realize. Also, you could turn your phone off completely or your laptop. Wherever you do social media, don't bring your phone to bed. Don't bring your laptop to bed, knowing you'll check social media. Just leave it out. Try removing social apps, so maybe you only check on your computer and you can't check on your phone. I've done that, but then I re-downloaded it.
Speaker 2:It wasn't good. Yeah, yeah, that discipline there Lacking, you're lacking some.
Speaker 1:Yeah, university of Pennsylvania study said that self-monitoring can actually change your perception of social media. I found this interesting. So the study's researchers looked at 143 undergrads randomly assigned to two groups. So, granted, this is just the one study. But for set was asked to limit Facebook Instagram Snapchat to 10 minutes per platform per day. Well, the second was asked to limit Facebook Instagram Snapchat to 10 minutes per platform per day, while the second was asked to continue to use their social media as usual for three weeks. The limited group showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression during those three weeks over the group that continued using social media, which makes sense from all the research.
Speaker 2:Everything, they just yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but both groups showed significant decreases in anxiety and fear of missing out compared to where they were at the study's beginning. So even though the people stayed on social media, I think the fact that they were kind of self-monitoring, like they were aware of how much they were on social media, it kind of decreased their anxiety or the fact that they might be missing out, because I think they looked at social media in a different way.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So that was really interesting and, once again, that was just one study. But I think it's really just a matter of owning your social media addiction and saying whether or not, like you know, I need to limit this or maybe this is becoming an addiction in my life, kind of moving forward from there.
Speaker 2:First step is admitting you have the problem. Yeah, exactly, and I think we all have a little bit of it. I think we all do. I mean even my mother. My mother is in her 60s and she even still has to get off of Facebook sometimes because it's too much. And it's not like she's on there scrolling forever, it's just like she'll pull it up so go look at, maybe see what her close friends or family is doing, and her feed will just be out of hand and she'll hate it and then she'll turn it off. So it affects everybody in different ways. Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And that brings up something we didn't talk about, which is also extremely toxic and became evident in the past election yeah, where it's like these algorithms feed you what you want to be fed, so your ideals kind of just get concreted into your brain, because it's like cemented, concreted. What am I saying?
Speaker 2:Concreted. I like it. They get concreted into your brain. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's just like then you don't see like different opinions or that kind of thing. So, anyway, so that is social media, like you said, toxic. So basically, to sum up the past, like, however long I've been talking, toxic like, however long I've been talking toxic.
Speaker 2:I liked it, I liked it. We all know that social media is a double-edged sword. I think it takes a lot of self-discipline and self-monitoring to help ourselves not fall into the trap. It's a balance. It's literally a balance. I kind of want to say you can't live without it.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:Like it's just the way our society is now. Like you can't live without it. It's just not like, how are you going to find out all the events in your community If you don't have Facebook? Literally, like I see everything that's going on locally just from the local groups and Facebook, and that's what I use Facebook for. Like, if I didn't have that, where am I going? Where am I going? Where am I going?
Speaker 1:to find out. My local coffee shop can only hold so many posters. And that's true. I was thinking more professionally, kelly because, I'm a professional over here, so, like LinkedIn, okay, linkedin's a social media platform, mm-hmm. You can apply for jobs there, you can make connections there. That's important. It's like a must have, even though I've heard people say they hate LinkedIn, but it's like I have an account because you need to be there.
Speaker 2:I hate LinkedIn Okay. You heard me say it. I hate it.
Speaker 1:You heard it here first folks, you heard it here first folks, you would have thought I had a drink before this. I did not. I do not day drink.
Speaker 2:No one knows what time this is being filmed. This is being recorded, recorded. I'm in the wrong, I'm in the wrong industry, so that was good story.
Speaker 1:That was good or a good discussion.
Speaker 2:Good, good information. Okay, social media. Well then, let's jump into our book how how to Do the Work by Dr Nicole LaPera, chapter five Mind-Body Healing Practices Thoughts Kelly. Read the chapter yet, have you? And I was like no, but it's okay, cause it's only nine pages, and then I get a text message back like 40 minutes later. It's like this is 19 pages long.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like in what world? I was like five pages in and I'm like this is not nine pages.
Speaker 2:Like I want you to know. When I was at five pages and I also was like, wait, is this nine pages? And I recounted and I got like 11 and I thought maybe I should retext her that it's 11. And I was like, well, that's not too far off of a difference. And she'll just be like, oh, that's just Kelly, that's just Kelly on some bullshit, but yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and Kelly's excuse was oh, the pages must have stuck together. How do 10 pages stick?
Speaker 2:together they're very sticky. I don't know, I don't know how it happened.
Speaker 2:I was half asleep when I was counting the pages. But yeah, no, it's a decent sized chapter and we got her done. I'm going into it now. Okay, I'm going in, jump in. She talks about the vagal nerve and the vagus nerve in the last one and now this one kind of talks about how to stimulate it in a bunch of different ways to help reduce your stress and to help do self-healing. So this whole chapter is, I would say, self-healing with your mind and body connection. That's kind of what the gist is of it that I got. She opened up with a story about Allie that she talked about in the beginning. It's all about Allie in the beginning, so I just kind of went past that.
Speaker 1:Oh see, I love the stories. I'm like human connection.
Speaker 2:I relate. Well, you know, I read it. I want to know about, about, like what the the meat is. So, um, the vagus nerve just a quick reminder is a bi-directional communication pathway that carries information from your body to your brain and from your brain to your body. So it's your brain to body conversation and that's called a top-down process and that's a way for your brain to guide your body on a path toward healing. I thought that was interesting and it gave an example that a top-down practice is meditation and I was like, oh, okay, now I can literally like tangibly, see this, like your brain is trying to heal the body with its thoughts, mindfulness, yada, yada. It actually goes a bunch into how yoga is like the best for this and I just kept thinking about you, kimberly, and I'm like girls got to do it, girls got to do it. I really do.
Speaker 1:I thought it was interesting how much. Because what they obviously talked about was that mind body connection. You said, and it's just she keeps stressing the fact that your body is so connected to your mind and vice versa, where it's like, oh your gut, are you having GI issues? That's because certain microbes or whatever you think it's just like mental. But it turns into physical because, like it is connected. And that's where it becomes so interesting that if more people took mental health as important as physical health, they'd see, oh, maybe if we help you go through these traumas that you know, your GI might not be as terrible or whatever it is. Where it's, it's a holistic, which is the classic here. It is holistic, whoa full circle, but it's holistic.
Speaker 2:Have you ever done any healing, the gut work to help heal your brain, like your body, to mind stuff. Have you ever tried anything like that?
Speaker 1:I mean, I eat yogurt.
Speaker 2:So you're taking care of your microbiome.
Speaker 1:She recommended that she's like sauerkraut, yogurt, like these fermented foods.
Speaker 2:Yeah, kimchi, yeah, all that shit. Yeah, I was like.
Speaker 1:I eat yogurt, but no, I haven't have you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I actually did. I did a whole supplement program where I met with a natural nurse and we went over my mental health and the symptoms that I have and then she looked, she did like some workup on me and she found supplements that I could take that can help regulate my gut. Also, with that I also saw nutrition, a nutritionist who gave me specific I guess it wasn't like a meal replacement shake, but it kind of was. But it was more of like a when you want cause I, I would like binge eat and overeat, and like we eat our feelings, we do all sorts of things. It's like when you want to do that.
Speaker 2:It's like make this, make this shake, and it curbs your whole appetite and it gives you everything that you need, that your body's craving, that your mind doesn't understand, type of thing. So I've tried to heal the gut to the mind. I've been working on that connection for, like God, it's been like seven years now. I've been doing stuff like that and I actually came up the other day like the idea of visiting a nutritionist again. But I already have all the materials and the books and I just feel like sometimes I'm just beating the dead horse.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it's hard, it's the implementation that's the hardest part. Yeah, like we know what we're doing wrong for like a good chunk of stuff, but it's hard to actually change. So that's where I like this, where it's like small changes. Like you know, she talks about these people who started on this journey of just doing breathing exercises every day.
Speaker 1:And then it slowly turns into stuff. Girl, I know, but do you want to be? Oh, I saw this on social media. It was like going to the gym is hard, being obese is hard. Choose your hard. And it was kind of like that kind of thing where it's like everything you do is going to be hard. What do you want your hard to be?
Speaker 2:and don't make a sexual innuendo. No, I'm not. This is not a that's what she said podcast. Trust me, we don't do that here. We might think it, but it's not happening here. Yeah, that's actually interesting. What do you want your hard to be? Because everything is hard when we look at it. Some people look at shit and they're like that's not hard, I can do it. I can do that, yeah those people are and. I'm like fuck your ego, bitch. I don't know why it's so overcompensating, what the hell is going on?
Speaker 1:But you need to sit down. You're like gosh, this is the wrong hard for you. Leave.
Speaker 2:Gosh, but anyway, you were talking about the breathing exercises and I made a noise, and that's yeah, were you breathing, or yeah, I was practicing it's mostly because I have been told to do those breathing exercises for most of my mental health career, can we call it, and it is.
Speaker 2:I hate them. They're so I just have no patience for them. But it's so real when she talks about it, how like when she started she could not stand it just being sitting still having to do it, and she would do it for a minute. And now she does her practice for like five minutes every day, or I think it was more than that and it was other people that are up to five minutes, but it was basically start with a minute and do five like belly breathing exercises and I never can do that. I just, it said it took her years to get into a practice of doing it, just to come in the morning just to calm herself and just get ready for the day. It sounds so peaceful, it sounds like it makes so much sense, it sounds like I should be doing it, but I won't and it's hard, it is so hard.
Speaker 1:I'm whining now I'm fucking whining. You are, you are becoming a child. You are reverting back. I am, but once again it's like mental health. Dealing with mental health crap is hard. Not being able to get out of bed, not having the energy to do stuff that's hard too. So would you rather be doing that or would you rather be doing a breathing exercise? I mean no fault to anybody who chooses either one, but I think I'm realizing I am choosing the life I have, maybe mentally unwell, you don't choose that, but you can choose to try and get better. That's where I'm trying to with this book, our discussions. I want us to choose to live the life we want. Mental health is just another thing we do to take care of ourselves, just another thing we do to take care of ourselves and it's not a detriment and not like a driver in the life.
Speaker 2:It's not in the front seat.
Speaker 1:It's like sitting shoddy like what's up? You stuck with me.
Speaker 2:It's like yes, I know you're here. That's great, Just keep your seatbelt on Right yeah.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly. Yeah, I mean that's an awesome metaphor, kelly, because it's so true. It's like we deserve to have productive, awesome lives and sometimes mental health tries to throw a wrench in that, and it's like that's not fair to us and we can do something about it, potentially I shouldn't say everybody can but potentially for us.
Speaker 2:We deserve that. Yeah, potentially for us, we can do something about it. And it's hard, so it's million times harder for people who don't have that opportunity. And that makes me sad yes, sad face to go over, like my medication management. And the question is like are you taking, how often are you taking, your sleeping med?
Speaker 2:And I'm like, like, literally, like I'm the worst, like all I have to do is take like two, like just take it and just go to sleep and have, like you know, an eight hour night of sleep. But I don't, I don't, like I literally do all the unhealthy stuff. And I know that it's a key, like sleep is the key to mental and physical health, like it really really is. And we don't treat it that way at all. And it says in this book like a lot of people think that they get the right amount of sleep, but they're not. Actually, until they actually sit down and track it, they realize like, oh, like, oh, like I'm sitting here, I know like I get five hours to seven hours of sleep, but it's not quality sleep. It's not quality sleep because the couch sucks my soul, so my gosh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I don't get the best sleep because I do look at social media, but like I still try, I tell my partner I'm like sleep is so important for me when I'm tired, when I'm winding down, I don't want to have a heavy conversation, I don't want to start playing a game. Like I need this, Like my body needs to, like, like she even said, like the brain kind of you know, organizes itself and cleans itself and you know just all these things and yeah, but I don't always get good sleep. Also, my partner has a CPAP. Get good sleep. Also, my partner has a CPAP, so he needs good sleep, but I'm not sure he's getting the best sleep either. So we're both just like what is happening, so what?
Speaker 2:even. Yeah, seriously, Okay. The other two things in here that I loved was healing with movement and healing with play. So movement, this is like exercises that challenge your mind and body, and this is where it says the best one is yoga, and that's when I thought of you and I was like Kimberly, get into a yoga practice. But the entire time I'm reading this healing with movement, I'm like, say Pilates, please say Pilates, but it's all about yoga. But this healing with play I love.
Speaker 2:This is just that we've forgotten the happy freedom of doing something for the mere delight of doing it. When we were children, we did things just because we wanted to and like I really like there's a part of me inside that misses that. And then when I hang out with my niece and we're just like, yeah, let's go do this, let's go do that, and I just say like the stupidest, dumbest thing possible, and it's like hilarious. And then I'm like it's so much fun. It's so much fun to not be serious and to tap into that side of you. And I mean you don't have to just do it with children. It also comes in other forms, like you know playing a pickup game of something with that with, like your buddies, or yeah, I just thought I thought that was great. I was just like, cause I really do love horse, horse playing around with her and just being feeling like a child.
Speaker 1:I feel like a lot of this is you need to revert back to a childlike state where it's like, okay, children know their boundaries and, yeah, they don't say it in the most socially appropriate way, but they know their boundaries. And yeah, they don't say it in the most socially appropriate way, but they know their boundaries. They know when bad things are happening. They know how to play and have fun. Yeah, they don't know how to save a four or four or 1K and do all that stuff, but some of these things it's like we just need to become children again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and just have a little bit more freedom with ourselves and have a little bit more grace. And I was going to say patience. I don't know many children with patience.
Speaker 1:No, no, I still don't have patience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Where is that Patience? Are you coming up? Are you here soon?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I find that.
Speaker 2:Where are you patience? Oh, christmas songs in March and it'll be April by the time this episode drops April. Well, that was another great, I'd say episode that we did there To everyone listening. Wherever you're listening right now, rate and review the podcast. We'll really appreciate it. It'll help us a bunch and remember, because when you're here, you're never alone.